Every time I talk to her, my grandma tells me “better in than out,” referring to the baby in my stomach. I think she is trying to make me feel better about being so sick all the time or something. I also think she’s full of it. I don’t care if this baby cries 28/7, at least I won’t be the sick one.
I have to admit I am terrified of being a Mom. I never liked kids and I never thought I would have kids of my own. Ever. I never even thought I’d be married. Surprise! So I’m scared. I have no idea how to handle babies or small children or even older children. I barely have a grasp on changing diapers.
There are a lot of days when I hate being pregnant because I am scared of having a kid. There are even some days when I daydream about going back to June and sticking to the birth control and cursing the circumstances that caused me to run out of pills + be out for a few weeks. And I have to admit, there are days when I think about having the baby and leaving it with my husband and disappearing off the face of the planet. Those days are rare, but they still happen.
And then there are moments like right now, when I just want my stinkin’ baby here already, not because the barfing will stop, but so I can be its mommy and love it to death.
Being a mommy scares the snot out of me, but I laugh in the face of danger, bwahahaha!
