So, something that living in Arkansas has taught me is that you are never too old to miss your mommy. I’m glad I realized this, because holy crap, do I ever miss mine.
My mom and I are a lot alike. We’re both ridiculously stubborn, snarky, and bossy. We clashed a lot when I was growing up, because neither of us ever back down. Except I tend to back down from her now, because she scares me. She’s meeeaaaan. In fact, my husband is the only one I’ve ever met who is not scared of her bossiness. I like to hide behind him during conflicts. But when we’re not conflicting, we’re cracking each other up because we are both hilarious. We both do this awesome thing with our lip…it’s really cool…everyone who sees it is highly impressed…but since this is an Internet post, my lip-thing is lost in translation or something. Oh well.
But with how alike we are, we’re also extremely different in some ways. She is constantly moving. She does 10,000 things at once and she does them all amazingly well. Right now she is the head counselor and part time administrator (principal) of a private high school/college, she is going to school to earn her doctorate, and she is preparing to teach a class next semester at BYU. She is also going to be spending a month in Uganda next summer teaching people how to be a principal. Holy snap. Meanwhile I am writing math tests as my only job and only real obligation and I am so overwhelmed I want to explode. My mom makes friends easily. I am a hermit. My mom is assertive. I am not. My mom is not a whiner; I am. Usually when I whine she tells me to suck it up. Although during this hellacious pregnancy she has been surprising supportive, which is nice. It’s nice to be able to tell someone else besides Nate that I am throwing up buckets of blood. Anyway.
My mom had me when she was 19. She chose to keep me and raise me even though she wasn’t married. I made her deathly ill and was a horrific baby. I was a screwed up, scary child, but she kept me and worked with me and here I am. My step-dad and I fought CONSTANTLY growing up and she didn’t kick me out. Lots of times growing up I thought my mom hated me. I am not the brightest crayon in the box. She has done so much for me, I honestly can’t believe it sometimes.
(I called her yesterday and we talked about our upcoming visit (1 month and 19 days!!) and she mentioned that she wanted to get something for us for Christmas. “MOM,” I said, “You already got us a nursery set and AIRFARE TO UTAH. I really think you don’t need to get us anything else.” But she insists.)
Even though my mom is not big on showing affection, I know she loves me. I have done a lot of dumb things in my life, especially over the last 3 years, but she still loves me. I have done some things she doesn’t agree with (like inviting my biological grandparents, who she hates, to my wedding), but she still loves me. I miss her a lot, and I can’t wait to see her again. I can’t wait for my kids to have her as their grandma. Someday if I can be half the woman that she is, I will be great indeed.
And now I am going to go cry, because I miss my mommy. And this week is going to be hard, because it is my first birthday where I won’t see her. *sob*
